Every now and then while Justin and I are sitting on the couch watching TV or movies, or especially while I'M watching TV and HE'S playing video games, I'll just start drawing on him. He's used to it by now. On this particular occasion, I drew a picture on his back so that he couldn't see it.

Not a dick, but Justin thinks it is.

With the two big ears and the long nose, he was dead convinced that I drew a penis on his back! When I started drawing the little hairs on his head, he was all, "Nooo, don't give it hairy balls!" A night of giggles ensued!

Today's story was written by our good friend Austin. But before I post his story, you should know something about Austin. He is, in actuality, the alternate universe future version of Justin. They are the same person, but Austin is a few years in the future. And as you can see by The Diagram, Austin is just Justin if he was stretched out tall and thin.

The Diagram (TM)

They have the same hair, the same goatee (sometimes), the same sense of humor, the same taste in movies and video games, and even their names are only one letter apart. So, knowing what you know now about Austin, I can let you read his story.

Ok - so here's the story.  A few years ago, I was bedding down with our convention crowd before Animefest one year.  There wasn't much in the way of places to sleep.  A few folks were in beds, but Justin and I (being the rugged cats we are) were making due on the floor. Now I am not the type of person who really has trouble sleeping, or wakes up at the slightest sound; I've slept though a firetruck parked in front of my bedroom before without any discernible disturbance.

When I say that the sheer volume of justin's snoring woke me out of a sound sleep, I hope you appreciate the magnitude of what I mean.  His snoring was the same volume as someone yelling.  Since that day, I have tried to replicate the sheer amplitude of the sound he made that night, and every single time, I end up in pain before I can reach that level.  

I do not react well to being woken up, as most people tend not to do.  Now Justin is at my feet, as we are both sleeping in the walkway between the foot (feet?) of the beds and the wall.  I try to shake him awake by judging his pillow with my foot.  Nudge nudge nudge... silence. Blissful wonderful silence.... for all of five seconds.  This went on for a while, I'd nudge him, he'd stop, and then immediately start back up again like one of those damn birthday candles they get you when you were a kid that refused to go out that the adults thought were SO funny but they seemed to miss out on the fact that in taking away your ability to blow out the candles they were robbing you of a wish!

Eventually, I had enough, and I slapped the guy in the face with the flat part of my foot. One strike did nothing, and I don't know how many times I kicked him in the head before he reacted, but eventually he stat up as if propelled by springs and stated in a loud, almost zombie-like voice "MY VIBRATIONAL CAPACITY IS GREATER THAN YOURS."  He then fell immediately back to his pallet and began snoring again.  

It was at that point I realized that I had headphones.

For Christmas last year, my mom got Justin an umbrella with a handle in the shape of a sword hilt. It was pretty awesome, and Justin totally loved it. He wanted to show her how much he liked it, but since she lives in a different state, we don't get to see her very often. So he took this picture and posted it on her Facebook in the one way he knew to truly express his gratitude: by wielding his weapon like an ornery orc.

"Thanks for the Swordbrella, Frosty! I freaking love it! And you! TTFN!"

Yes, my mom's name is Frosty. And yes, he actually wrote "TTFN."

P.S. He's wearing my t-shirt again! The same shirt from the Fedora Ninja picture.

Child's Wolverine Halloween mask + butter knives + Justin = one happy dork.

Chubverine, Defender of the Kitchen.

Snikt snikt, bub!

Justin has a wide array of weapons and costumes at his disposal. Not all of them are his. In fact, most of them are mine. But that doesn't stop him from using them in his own creative fashion.

Fedora Ninja wants YOU to rock out.

Disclaimer: I use the words "creative" and "fashion" very loosely.

He's the queen of the ball.

Based on a true story. And when I say "based on a true story," I don't mean Hollywood "based on a true story," I mean this happened line for line, dance move for dance move, complete with smiley-face boxers and all.

Here we've got the first in a majestic series of photos known only as the Justin Sleeps Weird Collection, soon to be shown in modern art museums across the country. In this first set, we see a shining example of Justin's interesting idea of ingenuity as he uses a scarf to tie his neck to his arm to keep his head supported so he can sleep in comfort.

This looks painful.

But he slept like a baby the whole way home.

To be honest, at first I was worried about his hanging himself from my car on a six-hour road trip, but he never lost consciousness, so I assume that it didn't cause any permanent damage. That I know of.

Justin posing like the mighty warrior he was pretending to be. Decked out in my furry hat and a throw rug, he sure cuts a striking figure.